| Joke Name |
• Greg Giraldo: Not in Iran Right Now
The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell. |
• Vanessa Hollingshead: Doesn't Want Us Free
I think our country doesn't want us free; I think they want us sedated. You know, so we don't notice things -- like who's running it. |
• Keith Robinson: Crazy Uncle Bush
George looks like -- he's like the crazy uncle that you got when you had problems in the neighborhood. 'George, I just got jumped down 16th street.' 'Come on, we'll go smoke 'em out!' |
• Jeff Cesario: Greatest Democracy in the World
We have the greatest democracy in the world. Of course, you don't have to |
• Lizz Winstead: Medicare Website
How the hell is she supposed to figure out which one of these 73 plans is good for her? Well, I'll tell ya. George Bush says, 'You know what? Here's the best way to do it. You just navigate our Medicare website.'... Old people cannot find... |
• Lizz Winstead: Bush's Clear Skies Initiative
Isn't that kind of Bush's whole thing? Just keep us fat and afraid, and we'll buy any of this stuff from him. He gives all of this stuff fancy names, sounds like a good idea, right? The 'Clear Skies Initiative' -- you have to be heavily medicated... |
• Lizz Winstead: Bush's Environmental Priorities
At least Bush has his priorities straight. It's not putting more poison into the water that's ruining the environment -- it's those homo-extremists that want to get married and have health insurance. Somebody stop them! |
• Lizz Winstead: Paying for Troop Provisions
How the hell do you have a war and then say, 'Jeez, we don't have enough bullets. We don't have enough Kevlar vests. We don't have enough tanks and jeeps that are protected from the enemy. Go, send your son, and by the way, we're gonna send him... |
• Andy Kindler: George W. Bush Talks Tough
Here's a guy who's never faced combat or anything in his life -- or really had a tough day -- and he's like, 'Bring it on,' I love that. He's like, 'Ya got a problem? Bring it on. Over there. In Iraq. Where the troops are.' |
• Mike Birbiglia: Bush in D.C.
People get very personally offended by talking about Bush at all. I was in Washington, D.C., and this woman came up to me and she goes, 'Um -- you know, he could be here.' And I said, 'First of all -- no. He's probably on vacation.' |
• Mike Birbiglia: George W. Bush Seems Fun
I feel like whether you like him or not, Bush seems like a fun guy. Like he's that guy you invite to the bar-b-que 'cause you know he'll start the whiffle ball game. |
• Bill Santiago: George W. Bush's Intelligence
I do not think of George Bush as an idiot, OK? I like to think of him more as an intellectual celibate. |
• Ty Barnett: High Gas Prices
The only thing I won't get mad at the president about is gas prices. I'm actually cool with that. Matter of fact, I want them to go higher. Because the higher they go, certain things change: drive-by shootings go way down. |
• John Caparulo: Not Watching the News
My friends guilt trip me, 'You hear what Bush said today? You see his speech?' 'Uh, no.' 'How could you miss that?' 'I guess I got more channels than you do, dude. It wasn't on Nickelodeon. I don't care.' 'What about the education system and gay... |
• Marc Maron: George W. Bush Is the Right President
I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world. |
• Marc Maron: The Appeal of George W. Bush
He does have that weird mixture of born again Christian and stupid that some people mistake for courage and focus. |
• Kyle Grooms: It's Not America
America's getting more and more culturally diverse every day, man. It's beautiful, man. We're trying to get along. We're good people. That's why I hate it when the president says the world hate us. Every time I see him on TV, 'The world hates us and our freedom.' And I'm like, 'Us? It's you!' |
• Loni Love: George W. Bush Is Smart
When you think about it, he is a very smart man. He puts smart people around him. That's what you do when you have a deficiency -- put smart people around you. |
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